Whether you’re in sales and a customer wants a discount, or you’re a teacher and a student is breaking a rule, conflict arises in the work place all the time. Navigating conflict with ease and empathy, however, does not. Below is a 3 step formula to empathetic conflict resolution. Follow it the next time you have to tell someone “no,” and see if the person leaves on less grouchy terms.

1. Shut up and listen

This may sound simple—too simple—but trust me, so many people forget to shut up and listen when they’re involved in conflict. Like really shut up. No talking. Truly listening means not preparing what you’re going to say while the other person is talking. Give the person your undivided attention and really listen to their grievance.

2. Repeat what the person says

This is called reflective listening. When someone says, “I’m so pissed that I can’t use my coupon to get the discount because I didn’t realize it expired,” your reflection could be, “I hear that your bummed about the coupon expiring and the discount no longer being available.” Repeating what someone says in your own words communicates that you’ve heard the person and understand her or his frustrations. When you’re frustrated, the worst thing to experience is someone who doesn’t care to know why you’re frustrated. 

3. Say “no” and explain why

Just saying “no” does not calm a person down. However, there is a way to more humanely let a person know that no, she can’t get the discount as the coupon has expired, or no, he can’t register for the conference because tickets are sold out. A gentle “no” is still a “no.” Ease the person into it by explaining why you can’t accommodate their request. Tell the person that there are no extensions to coupons, and that they are a limited time offer for a reason. However, throwing in a hopeful statement, like mentioning that coupons tend to be released every 2 months, can’t hurt. It leaves the person feeling that although they missed out this time, the opportunity isn’t completely gone.

What are your tips for conflict resolution? Share them below in the comments.