For my first few years as a manager, I prided myself on my ability to coach my staff in order to avoid potential problems. I did this so that they should not make the same mistakes I did and so the company and clients would benefit from the lack of mistakes made. In my mind, I was offering a cost-savings. However, my behavior actually came at a cost. I just couldn’t see it. 

My team didn’t learn themselves, they learned through me. That’s not always a bad thing—in moderation. Here’s what my method didn’t take into account.

1. My employees learn differently than I do. Some people really need to do things for themselves, and make their own mistakes to learn.

2. They missed out on the value of the process of learning. By deciding that my own growth was sufficient for all of us, I subconsciously prioritized my own development over theirs. I lacked the patience to observe their growth.

3. I didn’t set them up to handle a mistake when it undoubtedly happened. And because I expected no mistakes (I had laid the groundwork to prevent them!), I didn’t prioritize my own skill of coaching someone through a mistake. I, myself, hadn’t learned the value of failure at that time. (That’s changing, as you can see, from the title of this post.)

4. I forgot that others may learn a different lesson than I did when encountering the same problem. If I let my team encounter mistakes naturally, they may have figured out a simpler way to do a task, or a way to improve quality in one of our processes. It’s mortifying to realize that at the time I wasn’t open to what their learning might bring. Of course, I wasn’t explicitly saying that because I’m not a monster, but the intended outcome of my hyper-efficient methods of training left no room for others to try, learn and do better than me. I wasn’t a terrible manager, but I was misguided. This stuff isn’t easy.

It’s hard to watch your employees make mistakes. And some should be avoided with guidance from you. Remember, their mistakes are not yours to own—you may take responsibility for them and be accountable to them—but that’s just you showing up and covering your employees, and using the opportunity as a teaching moment.

Afraid to let go? Start with something small—a task that doesn’t have big stakes—and maybe even one where the consequences won’t be known above you if it goes wrong. Loosen the rope. You’ll be surprised how your leadership multiples with a little more space between you and your team.