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Being angry at work is totally normal. I don’t think the goal should be to take your emotions out of your work experience, but to figure out how to work with them—and how to maintain your professionalism while feeling angry.
This can be really hard. In fact, I used to think that anger didn’t have a place in the workplace. But I have come to realize that it’s possible to channel anger professionally.
Several years into being a manager 2 of my employees deliberately went against their manager’s instructions. Their manager reported to me. Upon learning of their actions and their manager’s initial attempt to address the infractions, I set up a meeting with the employees and the manager—prepared to nip this in the bud. However, that meeting got pushed back for a variety of reasons out of my control. And in that time (it was only 2 business days) their infractions continued—increasing in severity. By the time we were able to meet, I was furious—that they had acted in ways that put our program at risk, that they had gone against their manager and continued to go against him despite his addressing their behavior.
Up until this point in my management career, I tried to get over my anger and find a clearer head before meeting with an employee. However, this wasn’t possible as the infractions were continuing and my anger was growing. I had to hold a meeting while furious and I was terrified. I assumed that being furious would get in my way and I would say something that I would later regret. But I proceeded. Do one thing a day that scares you, right?
I held the meeting. I was seething! But I stayed composed while also letting my anger be known. I brought it with me to the meeting. That didn’t mean that I cursed, or yelled or spoke condescendingly (as people often do when they are angry at work). Instead I told the employees about my anger and what caused it.
What did I learn? My anger can come with me to work and I can use it for good. For one of those employees, his behavior turned around quickly. For the other, he stepped out of the role gracefully, recognizing that his approach wouldn’t fly there. Did I need to be angry to get this same outcome? I don’t know. But I didn’t have a choice. I was angry and I didn’t have time to work through my anger. I had to bring my anger to that meeting. And the sky didn’t fall. In fact, my anger helped me communicate very clearly and very seriously.