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You’re in a meeting or talking with a female colleague one-on-one. She says, “I was thinking <insert an introduction of an idea that is built upon her subject knowledge, years of experience and thoughtful creativity>.”
You say, “That’s an interesting point but you haven’t considered x, y, and z.”
When you are told “you haven’t considered x” or “you should have done x,” it’s infuriating because it's wrong. It’s this brand of telling others how to do what they have already done or what they already know. What happens is a simple confusion. Instead of seeing your own lack of awareness about the other person’s knowledge and thoughtfulness, you think the other person is lacking knowledge and thoughtfulness. It’s really a simple switcharoo that is leaving your female colleagues royally irritated.
If the introduction of someone’s idea leaves you with concerns, try asking questions. Instead of saying, “you haven’t considered x, y, and z,” try saying, “have you thought of x, y, and z?” This way you’re not assuming someone doesn’t have the intellect or foundational knowledge—you’re asking them to explain it. Very different.