Have you ever worked with someone who is reactive? You know, someone who responds to problems, instead of working to prevent them or control them. Here’s an example to illustrate reactive behavior.
Situation: Someone yells in a meeting.
Reactive Response: The boss yells back to regain control.
Why it’s tempting to act reactively
Reactivity honors the short term. It celebrates immediate solutions as a squashing of potentially deeply rooted problems. It can feel rewarding to act this way because you get instant gratification. You get action!
Being reactive is the norm for many of us, especially if our levelheaded thinking is easily sabotaged by mini crises. It can be difficult to train your mind to think rationally through crises. In the absence of this training, our go-to becomes panic mode.
What you get from not being reactive
When you check your reactivity at the door, thoughtful responses and long term solutions become possible.
It can be so difficult to demonstrate calmness in the face of someone who is reactive. This is because reactivity appears to be a contagious response. Crisis creates crisis. It is also difficult to stay calm because someone who is reactive tends to dominate the room. Think about it—if you’re panicking, you require a lot of attention from others. The energy spent dealing with you detracts from the energy that could be spent solving the problem that has you in a tizzy.
How to maintain levelheadedness when someone near you is being reactive
(These tactics can work across and between many relationships. It’s probably easiest to implement most of these for people who report to you. However, you can certainly try most of them with your peers, and at least the first few with your boss.)
- Keep your cool. Don’t “catch” the reactive bug.
- Model calmness. Through your tone and body language, you can demonstrate a healthy and productive response.
- Talk her down. Putting the problem in perspective can bring down a person’s initial blood pressure spike.
- Debrief later. Once the problem is addressed, pull her aside and be curious about her earlier response.
- Empathize with her. Try to understand what got her hyped up and what her triggers may be.
- Show her how you approach situations like that. Explain how your levelheaded thinking actually solved the problem, and how it’s beneficial for everyone if she can get there sooner next time.
- Ask how you can support her in preventing reactive responses in the future. And then fulfill those requests.
What is it like for you when people are reactive? How do you deal with it? And, how do you prevent yourself from becoming reactive, even when it’s really tempting? Tell us in the comments below.