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I’ve written a bunch about how women often care about what others think too much and how this is holding us back. I also think that one reason why women aren’t negotiating enough is because of our confidence levels. Beyond how uncomfortable and femininity-threatening negotiations can be, we first have to believe that we really are worth a higher rate. To even consider asking for more means truly considering that our value is greater than the first amount that was offered.
If we accept the first offer, and can’t fathom being worth more—let alone actually asking for it—we let our lack of confidence lose us money. I’m calling this a “confidence tax”. The tax is the difference between what you accepted and what they would have been willing to give you if you had the confidence and courage to ask for it.
In spaces (and there are a lot) when negotiations are an option or even expected, the company has a range of what they are able to offer. The company is always trying to save itself money. Their primary task is to fill the position with the best candidate for the least amount of money. Often, they will throw out their lowest offer first, knowing that they have some room to negotiate with you. To them, this is purely a business transaction. To us, we interpret their first offer as a representation of our real worth. Do not mistake their first offer to be a true reflection of what you are worth—after all they have a range of what they believe this position is worth.
Your job in negotiations is to convince them that you represent the top end of talent and should be getting compensated at the top end of their range. Having low confidence means you could be accepting the bottom of that range, not because they weren’t willing to give you more, but because you stopped yourself from believing you could get others to agree to a higher value for your skills.
How much has your confidence tax cost you over the years? Interested in evading this tax? Check out these negotiation tips.