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A colleague who works with people during career transitions was recently talking to me about he sees his work as never absent of humiliations. There is always something to be trying and failing if you’re in a career that pushes you to develop—to do bigger and better.
I also see work as having many ups and downs. Certainly a large part of it includes experiencing some humiliation, that leads to a moment of shame, then you find some forgiveness to generously offer yourself, and finally you discover something new about yourself and about what you’re getting paid to do. It’s not easy. It requires that you have a team of trustworthy individuals who can witness that humiliation, shame, forgiveness and growth process without making it worse. However, that’s not always the case. We can’t always be on our dream team, and we can’t control what others do.
As you find yourself navigating a career with not such evolved teammates, it’s important to keep your distance from them—to protect yourself—to preserve your ability to grow. No one should be disrespected at their place of employment. And of course, we all have a limit to how much of a difficult/disrespectful/manipulative coworker we can tolerate. There is a balance to find.
I’ve met many people who bounce from job to job because of difficult coworkers. I’ve also met many people who stay in unhealthy work environments too long. I would argue that there is a sweet spot: a balance between bouncing prematurely from a situation before truly assessing if there is an opportunity to grow in it, and staying too long in a bad situation because of a complacency that prefers a status quo to change. If you lean to one side of this spectrum, consider seeing your situation from a different perspective. What’s the risk of staying? Is leaving prematurely creating a negative perception of your tolerance for imperfect work environments? Does your resume convey any loyalty? What’s the risk of leaving? Is staying for too long creating a negative perception of your ability to initiate and cope with change? Does your resume convey the ability for growth?
What’s important is that you choose to leave or to stay based on what you need—not based in reaction to others.