I’ve been thinking a lot about how we present ourselves at work and the parts of our job identities that we have control over. Have you ever been in a meeting in which next steps were being discussed and someone asked, “Who can take on xyz?” From a simple task of reaching out to someone to leading a bigger project, have you found that you often raise your hand to accept the task? Do you take it on because it’s strategic for you to be doing that task—like if reaching out that person is good for you because you want to network with them, or if taking ownership over a larger project is something you do because you actually want to do the task and it makes sense with your role?
I’m someone who has a habit of jumping into what may not need to be mine because:
I want to have a say in how the work gets done. (Ahem, I may not trust others to do it well or their own way.)
I want to be in the know. (Ahem, I may not trust others to keep me informed.)
I want to be seen as team player and essential contributor to my team. (Ahem, I may not trust that staying in my lane and doing what’s appropriate for my role is sufficient for the can-do image I’m projecting.)
But then I started to notice how much others were not picking up, how much other people do not raise their hands for assignments that they do not need to be doing. You won’t be surprised when I tell you that I notice a gender difference here: very generally speaking, women self delegate more than is necessary (more than is helpful or healthy really), while men are much more skilled at protecting their time and energy, keeping their hands down in meetings.
I think this should change because:
These self delegated tasks are distracting from us doing our actual jobs and are not getting us very far. We do not advance our careers by filing our time with unnecessary tasks that fall outside of our expertise.
Others begin to see us as able to always take on more leading to burnout and exhaustion.
It is irritating!
I used to work with someone who was the most can-do person on our team. And then a form of her burnout manifested in her loss of patience for the lack of effort others were putting in. When I noticed this, I started to closely observe her behavior when in meetings and someone would ask, “Who can send a follow up email outlining xyz?” She was so accustomed to raising her hand that she could not help herself but raise her hand. No one else was ever going to raise their hand as long as she kept doing it first.
If you’re like my former coworker, and find that piling up assignments is a skill you’ve really invested in over your career, I think it’s time for you to hit pause. When you do this, you may realize that the skill you thought you were cultivating, is one that actually prevented you from developing other, more appropriate skills including learning to say, “no,” learning how to delegate to others, and learning how to share without being the star.
If any of this rings true for you, it’s time to challenge yourself. First, observe your behavior without judgments. Next, see what happens when you don’t jump in to self delegate an assignment that will not advance your career. Finally, when you make room for others (perhaps shyer voices) to step up, you’ll find that you have some of your time back. With that time you can now invest in essential skills that will take you much further: saying, “no,” delegating and sharing the spotlight.