Several years ago I was working as a manager. My boss’ boss, another woman, called me “sassy” after I checked an employee for speaking unprofessionally in a meeting. I learned about this insult after the meeting by someone who had overheard it. What struck me in this moment was a) that I was called a gender-based insult by a superior and b) that I was being privately insulted for carrying out the responsibilities of my job. 

Sassy was used in place of assertive. I broke no boundaries when I addressed the employee—and I did so without attitude but with a firm message. My male counterparts had done the same thing in countless meetings. I asked them how many times they’d been called sassy at work. The answer was a big fat zero.

This is not a unique experience. It’s just another example of how assertive women are seen negatively in the workplace. Nasty instead of commanding, bitchy instead of direct, frazzled instead of overworked. Unless your office is a very feminist environment, there are gender-based insults that have become pretty commonplace in our work cultures. It’s important to pay attention when your colleagues call a woman a gender-based insult—something they would never call a man. If possible, you could name what they are doing. And if you find yourself internalizing your reputation for being sassy, nasty, bitchy and frazzled, remember that the threshold for being associated with these traits doesn’t match their actual definitions. Instead, translate these insults into compliments—you’re one assertive, commanding, direct—and maybe a little overworked—woman. Welcome to club. Come change the world with us.