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I’ve heard this phrase so many times. Often when I tell someone that I’m in over my head they tell me to, “fake it ’til you make it.” Then they tell me about a time when they faked it and eventually gained competency.
Two things: I don’t think a woman has ever given me this advice. And I have been very uncomfortable with faking anything. For my whole life.
I’ve been taught, from a very young age, to pace myself and be humble when I don’t know something, to have confidence in reaching for goals but to recognize the limits of my knowledge at any given time, and to be genuine always. Not only were these virtues of mine but I took great pride in my humility and my genuineness.
Fast forward from kindergarten to post-college—I’m starting out in my career and feeling grossly under qualified for employment. My fellow girlfriends tell me that they’re experiencing the same thing. But men tell me what they think is obvious: fake it ’til you make it. I brush off this concept as impossible because it appears to go against not only everything that I’ve been taught—but significant virtues that I’ve used to define myself for my whole life.
A few years into my career I took a new job and quickly found that I had a very steep learning curve. I felt underprepared and incompetent for about 6 months. But I also really needed and wanted this job. I let my ego take several blows and committed myself to getting by until it became second nature. For the first time I realized that I was faking it ’til I could make it. I had to let go of thinking I had duped everyone and didn’t deserve my role. I had to disconnect with my value of being humble as I started to understand that this kind of humility was not serving me well. This humility kept me from trying new things, from stepping outside of my comfort zone, and from seeing what I was capable of doing with my career.
I also had to reflect on this concept of being genuine at all times. I learned that I could be genuine to myself about my feelings but that I could present differently to others. And was I really tricking an employer into believing I could do what I couldn’t? Or was I merely presenting myself as confident about trying something new despite fears deep inside? And is doing that really such a disingenuous thing?
Ultimately, “fake it ’til you make it” sounds slimy to me and represents a concept I want nothing to do with (because I’ve been conditioned to think like that). However, if you look beyond the slime and your own gendered upbringing, this phrase can help you step out of your comfort zone and propel your career. If nothing else, the sheer existence of this phrase should tell you that everyone around you is faking it too.